asianessity

I feel like I’m moving in slow motion.

Like I’m moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving
so fast, and I just wanna go back to when things were normal. When I
wasn’t laying on the bathroom floor. But I am. So I can’t.
And I’m- I’m just stuck, and there is all this pressure because everyone
is hovering around me waiting for me to do something.
Or say something, or flip out, or yell and cry some more and I’m happy
to play my part. I’m happy to say the lines and do whatever it is that
I’m supposed to be doing if it will make everyone feel more comfortable.
But I don’t- I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be this person.
I don’t know who this person is.

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prettyfoods:

hennypotter:thedayyouwerenamed:imnikolai:(via omgsexyfood)

chicken wings are great for shouldbe-hangovers!!

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You say potato, I say vodka.

sorry, no one puts baby in the corner and gets away with murder.

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“ What it is and where it stops nobody knows
You gave me a life I never chose
I wanna leave but the world won’t let me go

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(via swhy)

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ronniebruce:

(via evoke)

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dextero:

ronniebruce:

synecdoche:

THIS IS SO CUTE I AM ALMOST CRYING

Hahah, too good
i want.

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“ a cynic is a man who,
when he smells flowers
looks around for a coffin.

— Henry Mencken (via dextero)

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Me: “That will be 17.50, please.”
Customer: “Are you a Christian, dear?”
Me: “Why do you ask?”
Customer: “Are you?”
Me: “Well, no. Why do you want to know?”
Customer: “Oh. I would like to be helped by someone else, please.”
Manager: “Good morning ma’am, I hear you’ve been having a problem with the clerk?”
Customer: “Oh, she didn’t make any trouble, it’s just that I don’t want my money to be handled by someone not of the faith. You should be careful, she’ll probably nick from the till when you’re not looking.”
Manager: “You’re right, ma’am, I shall definitely have to reprimand her.”
Me: *surprised* “What for?”
Manager: “For failing to notice that the lady was not planning on paying for the three Mars bars and the map of Europe she must have put in her bag while you were fetching me.”
(The customer freezes for a second, then looks at her bag.)
Customer: “Good heavens! I must’ve been so distracted I didn’t even notice the devil putting them there!”

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dextero:

andrewwoj:

notthatkindagay:

folkinz:

i was looking up recipes for pumpkin martinis & i came across this…quite possibly the grossest shot i’ve ever seen…i’m not sayin’ i wouldn’t do like 6-10 anyway, but you know…

bloody brain shooter

Channel your inner mad scientist with this Bloody Brain Shooter. Mixing acidic lime juice and Irish cream causes the cream to curdle, creating brain-like strands in the shot.

Ingredients:

1 1/4 oz. strawberry vodka such as Stoli
1/8 oz. Rose’s lime juice
3/4 oz. Bailey’s Irish Cream
Splash of grenadine

Preparation:

Chill vodka for better smoothness. Add vodka and lime juice to a shaker, shake and strain into a shot glass. Using a straw, dip some Bailey’s Irish Cream into the shot. Once you submerge the straw into the Bailey’s put your finger on top of the straw to hold the Bailey’s in the straw. Dip the straw tip into the vodka and slowly release your top finger. The Bailey’s will curdle a little bit due to the lime juice and you should be able to make strands of Bailey’s.

Repeat the straw/Bailey’s process to build a “brain” in the shot glass. Add a splash of grenadine to the concoction to add the ‘blood’ to the mix. Down the hatch as a shot.

get inside me.

mmmm insane. brain killer.

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